The Last Christmas
by Willful Redhead
Summary: "When did you stop believing in Santa?" Daniel asked. A simple question leads a young Daniel McFadden on a quest to help preserve Christmas for his little brothers.
1. Chapter 1

_This story is dedicated to May with many happy returns of the day- a little earlier I believe. It is submitted with much love and friendliness. I appreciate your reviews. -Willful Red_

__The Last Christmas

"Pass it forward." Daniel heard a soft voice break into his thoughts.

"What?" He turned to the bright-eyed girl who sat behind him in his sixth grade class.

"Your spelling test." She handed him a stack of tests from their row.

_Oh,crap._ Daniel thought.

He accepted the papers from her and added his partially completed one to the pile. He'd been so lost in thought, he'd missed most of the test. Adam wasn't going to be happy. It had all started when the teacher had asked them to spell the word believe. His brain had spun in a million directions and he was distracted by more important things.

"Hey. May," He said to the girl behind him. "How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa?"

"What do you mean stopped believing?" She looked stricken.

"Oh, uh. . ." _Way to go Danny_. He thought to himself. _Flunk a spelling test and crush a girl's belief in Santa too. I am going to hell for sure now._

"Danny!" She said laughing.

"Geez, May!" He sighed relieved seeing her grin."I felt like I'd killed a puppy!"

"I don't know maybe seven or eight." She said as they gathered their books to go. "You thinking of crushing the second grade's dream of Santa?"

"No, I was just . . ." He sighed.

Some things were impossible to explain even to a girl like May. It seemed like most of the girls in his class had lost their minds this year. They stared at him, giggled together whenever he spoke and left notes covered in hearts in his locker. He found talking to any of them impossible. They would blush and glance over at their friends not really listening to the words. May was sensible. She treated him the same as always. She told him he was stupid, when he was acting stupid. She looked him in the eyes when she talked to him. She laughed at his jokes only if they were actually funny. Of all the girls, he probably liked her best. She was funny, sweet and didn't swoon every time he walked past.

"It's barely November. Why are you worried about Santa?" She asked as they gathered up their books to head to the next class.

"I'm not worried. Why would I be worried?" He said to her.

She looked at him and laughed. "Do you _try_ to be difficult or does it just come naturally?" She asked him with a grin.

"It's natural, I guess." He paused before they separated down two different hallways. "See you May. Keep on believing!" He said and she laughed as she lifted her hand to wave goodbye to him.

"She doesn't even wear makeup!" He heard from two girls who had been watching their exchange.

"Hi Danny!" They said in unison as he turned down the hall.

_Girls!_ He thought exasperated.

He walked into math class his mind still on Santa and Christmas, and his three little brothers. Guthrie was five and would be easy to keep fooled but it was probably Evan and Ford's last Christmas. He rested his chin in his hand as he stared out the window. He could hear a dull hum behind his thoughts. He remembered a Christmas not so long ago when he'd been sick with bronchitis. He'd been lying in bed forever and was sick of it.. He climbed out of bed. All his brothers were in school and as he passed his little brothers' room he could see they were napping; Ford sleeping in his little crib. He found his Mama in the kitchen.

_"What are you doing out of bed?" She asked looking up from where she was rolling out dough._

_"I wanna go to school too." He said frowning. "Staying in bed is boring. And I'll never catch up to Crane if I don't finish Kindergarten."_

_"Well, I'm sorry little Buckaroo, but you are sick. Besides, I'm not sure you can catch up to Crane, honey. He had a head start." She smiled at him. "Why don't you go wrap up in a blanket and you can watch me roll out these cookies, okay?" _

_He ran and grabbed the quilt off the couch and sat down at the table. His mother tucked the blanket around him so he was snug and warm. She ran her hand along his forehead, briefly resting her lips against his brow._

_"Fever's down." She turned back to the where she was cutting out cookies._

_"Where's Daddy?" _

_"With the cows." She said cutting out a Christmas tree._

_"Is it Christmas tomorrow?" He asked hopefully._

_"Not for two weeks." She said. "Tomorrow you and your brothers are going to frost these cookies. Well, as long as you are feeling better. You seem broody. Something worrying you?"_

_"Will Santa come?" He asked looking up at his mother. _

"_Tonight?" She asked._

"_No at Christmas. Will he come even if I made a mistake?" He looked up into her face. She paused from her work, and wiped her hands on a towel. "I'm afraid he won't come. I'd hate for him to skip us because of me. Do you think he'll come?" He chewed his bottom lip._

_"Why wouldn't he?" She asked him._

_"I lied to Daddy about dropping that egg." He looked down ashamed._

_"Well, that's easily fixed, isn't it Danny boy?" She turned and saw his sad face. She crossed to him and lifted his chin. "Why so sad? Daddy always forgives."_

_"That isn't all of it." He kept his eyes down. " I hit Evan."_

_"Oh?" She sat in the chair beside him._

_"He smashed one of my airplanes. I know he's a baby still, but I got mad."_

_"Everyone gets mad sometimes. Hitting is no way to solve things and little brothers need patience. Everyone in the house has at least one little brother to be patient with."_

_"'Cept Ford." He said quietly._

"_Except Ford." She agreed. "You did make some mistakes, Daniel Robert, but I was thinking of you reading to Ford at night, and I was thinking of you sweeping that whole porch for me. Those are just a few good things you've done recently." She smiled at him and brushed her fingers against his cheek._

_"You think he'll come then? 'Specially if I tell Daddy sorry?"_

_"I think so. Santa knows if you are trying to be a good boy. And you try very hard Danny. It makes me proud how hard you try."_

_He smiled up into her eyes and felt so warm and snug. Santa would come! He'd been worrying over it for so many days now. _

_His mother kissed the top of his head and rose to return to her baking, just as they heard his fathers boot hit the top step._

_"I smell cookies! Katie Girl, you are the best wife the world has ever known!" He winked at Danny as he stepped into the kitchen. He reached out grabbing his mother around the waist and kissed her. "How's the invalid?"_

_"Better but guilt-ridden. Adam McFadden don't even think of sticking your fingers in that dough!" She said just as his father started to reach into the cookie dough. "Wash your hands! Set a good example for your little cowboys."_

_"Yes ma'am!" He said laughing and turning to the sink. "Never cross your Mama, Danny Boy. She's got a fierce temper hiding under all that beauty." _

_"Adam!" Just then they could hear Ford crying. She sighed. "Nap time is over!" His mother said disappearing down the hall. "Don't let those cookies burn!"_

_"What's the matter son? Feeling bad?"_

_"Daddy, I lied to you." Danny said ashamed. "I did drop that egg last week and just left the mess."_

_"Oh." His father said. He wanted to look up to see if his father's face held anger but he was too afraid._

_"Danny?" His father said softly. "Look at me, son."_

_He swallowed hard and looked up into his father's face. "I'm so sorry Daddy, I know a man doesn't tell lies, if'n he can help it."_

_"That's right." His father said gently. "You want to grow up to be a good man, Danny. You want to be the kind of man your Mama can be proud of, don't you son?"_

_"I want to be just like you." He said and his father reached out lifting him into his arms. _

_"I aim to raise you up to be a better man than me." His father kissed his cheek. "I forgive you, Danny. His father didn't set him down but held him in his arms. He rested his head against his father's shoulder. _

_"I love you, Daddy." He said. _

_"I love you too, pal." His father said. "I don't know how Santa's gonna manage it; I have such good boys! He's gonna need one sleigh just for the McFadden's of Circle Bar M!"_

Danny didn't even remember what he got for Christmas that year. His strongest memory was of his father holding him in his strong arms and falling asleep against his shoulder and dreaming of all the good things Christmas and Santa would bring. He sighed.

"Mr. McFadden? Do you know the answer?"

He looked up into Mr. Foster's face feeling dazed as the class around him giggled.

"No? Somehow I don't think you've been daydreaming about the Pythagorean Theorem, hmm?"

Danny shook his head.

"No? What were you thinking about then?"

Deciding the day was pretty much shot anyway, he answered honestly.

"Santa, and believing, and my mother." He would've continued but the class was roaring with laughter.

"Office!" Mr. Foster said coolly. "Now!"

He rose and walked out and down the hall. He did not need an escort; he knew the way.

***7***

"Disruptive, huh?" Brian asked his hands on the steering wheel of the truck looking down at his little brother beside him.

"I'm sorry Brian." He said sadly.

"Well, I've been disruptive a time or two myself." He patted Danny's leg. "Relax, Danny, Adam was at the feed store. He doesn't know. I'll give you a pass on this one, if you agree to help me with my chores this afternoon."

Danny exhaled. "I can do all your chores!"

Brian laughed. "Helping will do, but you can clean my boots too, if you want."

Danny stared out the window. "I'll do anything you ask, as long as I don't have to face Adam."

Brian laughed and reached over and mussed his bangs. "You need a haircut."

***7***

"Crane?" Danny stood beside his older brother's chair. Crane was bent over his desk working. Crane was always working on homework.

"I can help you with your homework later, okay? I just gotta figure this problem out."

"No, I don't need help, I just got a question."

Crane set his pencil down and faced his brother. "What?"

"Well, if you got a problem in front of you, how do you solve it?"

"What? What are you talking about?" Crane looked at Danny. The kid looked stressed and worried.

"I just mean," It was hard to ask the question without giving too much away. "I mean, how do you plan things? You are so organized, and I'm so . . .I've got this thing I want to do, and I want to be organized in how I do it. I don't want to screw it up."

"Oh." Crane said surprised. "Well, first I make a list. And then I figure out the steps I need to do it. I make a list of those, and do them one by one. It isn't hard, Danny. I can help you if you want."

"No, I want to do this myself." He said. "Thanks Crane. Sorry for keeping you from your homework."

"That's okay, Danny."

Danny wandered down stairs and out onto the porch. He sat down on the steps and thought. He glanced around and realized he'd need a notebook. He ran back inside and grabbed his backpack.

"Hey, I haven't seen you all day." Adam said. "You doing alright? How did that spelling test go?"

"I . . .uh . . . forgot some of the words. I don't know. We didn't grade it." He looked up into his big brother's eyes.

"You tried though. That's okay." He reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "You need a haircut."

"I know." He said.

"You seem worried. You okay?" Adam asked him.

"Yeah. I was just . . . I didn't want to disappoint you about that test is all."

"Oh," His brother's voice sounded strange. "Hey, you don't disappointment me, Danny. You are a good boy." He kissed the top of his head and Danny wrapped his arms around his big brother.

"I kind of screwed up a lot today." He said teary. "I'm sorry. I couldn't concentrate. I kept thinking about stuff, you know. I didn't write all the words. I kind of zoned out."

"What were you thinking about?" Adam asked.

"I dunno. Christmas, and I . . .I'm sorry, Adam." He sighed.

"That happens sometimes, Danny. One time, I nearly ran the tractor into the fence. I was working away and all of the sudden I was remembering this one time, Dad and I rode out to the tops together, just the two of us. And the next thing I know, I'm about three feet from the fence line!" He stepped back and lifted Danny's chin so that he could see his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Yep." Adam said. "You want me to talk to your teacher and see if you can retake it?"

"Nah, I can do extra credit work. I don't want it to be a big deal."

"Okay." Adam ran his hand through Danny's bangs. "You can talk to me, buddy, right? I don't want you scared of me. I love you, pal. You know that, right?"

"Well, you tell me like seventy times every single day, so I think I'm pretty clear on that." Danny looked up at Adam with a grin.

"Yeah? Well, if you're thinking that's gonna make me cut back, you are dead wrong, buddy. Now I'm gonna double up on my efforts."

Danny squirmed free of Adam's grip. "I got some work to do, Adam."

"Okay, I love you Danny." Adam said grinning.

"Yeah, got ya." Danny said grabbing his notebook and pen.

"I love you, pal. Love ya!"

"Adam!" He ran out to the porch, as his brother called out to him.

"Love you buddy!"

He shook his head laughing. He felt so much better, and thought briefly of going back inside and telling Adam about math class too, but then decide he'd better quit while he was ahead.

He sat down on the step and carefully wrote out his plan - following Crane's instructions.

He wrote:

_Goal: Make sure Evan, Ford and Guthrie have a great Christmas and still believe in Santa_

_1. Find out what they want for Christmas._

_2. Figure out a way to make sure they get it._

_3. Make sure they know it is from Santa._

"That should do it." He thought to himself. "Now I just need to make sure it happens."

He snapped his notebook shut, and sat back looking up at the bright stars.

"Hey, there Danny." Brian said from inside the front doorway. "My boots ain't gonna clean themselves."

He sighed. "Yeah, man. I'm on it!"

_Brothers!_ He thought. _They might be the only thing worse than sixth grade girls!_


	2. Chapter 2

"Did you really get thrown out of math class?" May asked him the next morning.

"I did." He said.

"Mary said it was because you cursed out Mr. Foster, and Julie said it was because you threw a math book at his head."

"What do you think?" He asked her.

"I think they are pretty stupid, but you do have a temper sometimes. Remember when you punched Ed?"

"Ed was a jerk. He knocked that little kid down." Danny said defensively.

"Calm down. I was just pointing out that it isn't impossible to believe you'd throw a book."

"You didn't say curse out a teacher." He said thoughtfully.

"You've got good manners. You'd never do that. Besides, your brother would kill if you did, so there's no way you'd be back at school the next day."

"You are pretty smart, May." He said grinning at her.

"So why'd you get kicked out?" She asked him.

"I was daydreaming, and when he called on me, he thought I was disrespectful." Danny sighed.

"Thought?" She asked.

"Yeah, it was kind of a misunderstanding." He sighed. "I . . . I don't really wanna talk about it, is all."

"Okay." She said and turned to head to class. He watched her. She looked sad. He suddenly realized he'd probably hurt her feelings.

"May, wait!" He called out and ran to catch up to her. "I'm sorry, May. I know you are just trying to help, and all. I just . . .it is kind of personal. I got a lot of stuff, I'm kind of trying to figure it out, is all."

"That's okay. It isn't my business. I just wanted to . . ." She sighed.

"I know and I appreciate it." He said. "If I were gonna talk to someone about it - It'd be you, May." He said, and was surprised to see her blush.

"Thanks." She said softly and turned to head to class just as the first bell rang. "See you in English class."

"See you then." He said turning to head to history. As he turned the corner, he bumped directly into Annie.

"Danny!" She said immediately giggling. "Did you really curse Mr. Foster out?"

It was going to be a really long day.

***7***

He studied his list.

_Guthrie - toys_

_Ford - a remote controlled truck_

_Evan - new saddle_

He sighed. He knew he could definitely take care of Guthrie - that would be no problem. Making a five year old's Christmas dreams come true would not be difficult. The remote controlled truck sounded pretty expensive - he figured maybe forty dollars. A saddle, however, was gong to be impossible.

He need a job. Worse, he needed a secret job. And who was gonna hire an eleven year old. This was not going to be easy.

"What are you doing?" Crane asked.

"Nothing." He shut his notebook.

"You wanna try the song?" Crane asked.

"Yeah, but I haven't practiced much. It might not be good." He said

"Well, I don't think the audience will mind." Crane said with a grin.

"I don't know our cows are pretty particular." He said laughing.

***7***

"What do you need a job for anyway?" Mr. Carter asked him.

"I got my reasons." Danny said trying to make himself look older and stronger.

"And when you gonna do this, if I were to let you work for me?"

"I'm quitting basketball. And I can come before school too and catch the bus from here." Danny said.

"Adam knows about this?" Mr. Carter asked.

"Of course! Geez, my brother doesn't let me walk down the road without permission! Let alone ask you for a job!"

"He is protective, that is true. Alright, we'll give it a go. I am short-handed since Mike broke his leg. When can you start?"

"Now!" Daniel said.

***7***

"Where's Danny?" Adam asked Brian as he surveyed his brothers gathered at the breakfast table.

"He said he was working on some extra credit and had to take the early bus in to school." Brian said.

"Oh, he told me about that. I guess he's growing up." Adam said raising an eyebrow at Brian.

"Adam!" Guthrie said pulling on his brother's pant leg.

"What is it?" Adam asked leaning down and looking at the five year old who was covered in jelly.

"More toast!" Guthrie demanded.

Adam lifted his brother up into his arms, feeling a sticky hand on the back of his neck. "More toast or more jelly?"

"Jelly!" Guthrie said.

"You've had enough jelly, Little Buckaroo. I'm cutting you off. Let's wash you up, huh?" He kissed Guthrie's soft cheek as the little boy pouted. He carried him over to the sink and setting him on the counter in front of him, he washed his fingers and face, and then the back of his own neck. He set Guthrie down.

"Go eat your eggs, mister." He said to Guthrie who slumped back to his chair.

"Does anyone have any games or extra practices this week?" Brian asked. "Tell me now. I don't want someone telling me as they are walking out to the bus that they need a glow-in-the-dark protractor, or a dozen doughnuts, or new cleats. Tell me now!" Brian eyed his brothers from where he stood at the stove.

"Glow-in-the-dark protractor?" Crane asked looking irritated.

"I'm just saying, if you've got some supply need, strange or otherwise, I would like to know _before_ I go into town - not after."

"Five minutes." Adam said. "If you expect to catch the bus you are walking out that door in five minutes."

They stood on the porch, letting Crane walk their brothers to the bus this morning. Adam sighed.

"You know it is barely seven and I feel like a beer already." He said looking at Brian.

"Old Man McFadden." Brian said laughing.

"I feel like Old Man McFadden. I wonder what other twenty year olds are doing right now?"

"Not this." Brian said and laughing headed out to the barn.

***7***

Danny fell asleep in math on Thursday, and in English on Friday. Mr. Foster woke him up on Thursday which was pretty unpleasant.

"Sorry, I couldn't hold your interest." He said to him.

"No sir, it isn't that. I just, um, I've been doing some extra chores and getting up pretty early, so . . ." He sighed knowing by Mr. Foster's look that he wasn't going to get any sympathy.

"Really? Because I've got a newborn and a two year old, so I don't get any sleep, but somehow, I manage to stay awake in class." Mr. Foster said sarcastically.

"Yes, sir." Danny said.

"I've no problem calling in your father." Mr. Foster said and Daniel fought down a tidal wave of rage.

"Brother."

"Pardon?" Mr. Foster said.

"You've no problem calling in my brother. My dad is dead." He didn't hide the anger in his voice.

"Oh, that's right, I'm sorry. I forgot and . . . old habits." Mr. Foster shrugged.

Daniel stood where he was his hands in fists at his side. "It is kind of a big thing to forget." He said at last, and walked out the door without waiting to be dismissed.

It was May who woke him up on Friday as everyone was walking out of English class. That was much more pleasant.

"Danny! Danny!" She nudged his arm. He opened his eyes and seeing her face smiled.

"What are you doing here?" He asked thinking himself at home in bed.

"In English class? I was determining what tense each sentence was in, but then class ended." May grinned at him.

"Oh crap! I fell asleep!" He turned purple with embarrassment. "Oh, I'm sorry, May I shouldn't have said that. I apologize."

"Apologize for what?" She asked her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Bad language. Adam says you never use bad language in front of a lady." His blush deepened as he explained it.

"Oh." She said. "What's the matter anyway? People said you fell asleep in math yesterday."

"I've been getting up really early."

"Why?" She asked as he gathered his books together.

"Well, it is . . ." He hesitated.

"I know, it is kind of personal." She grinned. "That's okay."

"No." He glanced around the empty classroom and sat back down. "Listen, I've been working for Mr. Carter before and after school."

"Why?" She asked sitting at the desk across from him.

"Well, you'll think it is stupid." He sighed. "I just . . .well I realized the other day, that this probably the last year that Ford and Evan will believe in Santa. I'm not even sure that Evan still does, and I wanted to make sure that they keep believing for just this one last year." He looked down unable to meet her eyes embarrassed.

"It's kind of dumb, I know."

"No it isn't. Actually it is really nice." She said.

"Well, try not to sound so surprised." He said laughing.

"No, I just mean it is really thoughtful, but wouldn't your older brothers help? With the money, I mean?" She asked him.

"Yeah, but I want to do this. I want to help take care of them. We all have to pitch in, and besides my Mom always told us that brothers come first."

May rose lifting her backpack. "I'll do your assignment for you. I'll bring it to you during sixth period."

"You don't have to do that. You shouldn't do that, May. You could get in trouble. I won't have you cheat for me. You are a good friend."

"I will though, and you can copy it in your writing." She stood in the doorway.

"No. I'll just throw it away. Thank you very much, but no. Adam says a man always treats a lady with respect, and turning you into someone who cheats isn't respectful."

"I . . gotta . . . go." May said her face somewhat pink. "See you later, Danny."

"See you." He watched her go and sighed. He gathered up his books and trudged to his history class, dreading what his teacher would say when he stepped into class late. He passed Annie in the hall. Annie was hall monitor and really, really excited about her job.

"Where you going Danny? Do you have a pass?" She asked stopping him.

"Nope." He gave her his best grin, hoping it would do the trick.

"Oh, well, go and hurry up to class." She said glancing around. He grinned as stepped forward but then saw May sitting just inside the office.

"Wait," He said. "What about May?"

"Oh, she doesn't have a pass." Annie said shaking her head at May.

"Neither do I." Danny said stubbornly.

"I know but I'm doing you a favor." Annie said.

"I don't want favors. 'Sides, me and May were together. I'm the reason she's late." He said.

"Together?" Annie asked.

"Yep." He said knowing just how it sounded.

"Fine. Go sit in the office." Annie said angrily.

He grinned and stepped into the office. "Hey May, long time no see!" He said sitting beside her.

"I thought Annie was gonna let you go." She said surprised. "Your charm wearing off?"

"Oh, you know, after awhile your good looks start to fade." He said bumping her shoulder with his. They both laughed until the secretary scolded them.

"You are here because you are in trouble! I don't think you should be laughing!"

"Oh, it isn't May, ma'am. It's me. I'm a corrupting influence." He said and May shook her head.

"You are gonna get in real trouble McFadden if you don't watch it." The secretary said to him.

"Trouble is my middle name." He whispered to May as the secretary turned to answer the ringing phone.

"Hmm. . . I always thought it was Robert." She grinned at him.

"I gotta move to a bigger town."

They sat together awaiting their doom and a long lecture from the Vice-Principal about the importance of promptness. By the time he met with them, and completed his lecture on Missing Class is Missing Out on Your Education they had completely missed their next class. He didn't really even mind the note he'd have to get signed by Adam, for some reason he found the entire thing completely hilarious.


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you mean he isn't here?" Adam asked. He was clearly angry.

"He isn't home yet." Crane said shrugging his shoulders.

"Carol, at the bank said she had to get someone to cover her because basketball was cancelled, again." Adam studied Crane closely. "Wait, a second, what do you know?"

"Adam." Crane said. "What happened to brother solidarity?"

"I'm your brother too, and I outrank Danny. What's going on?" Adam asked.

"I don't know. I just know he isn't on the basketball team, and hasn't been since before Thanksgiving."

"Before Thanksgiving! He went in to "practice" twice during vacation! What the hell's going on?" Crane shrugged.

"I don't know. He's tired all the time, and gets up every single day super early to do his chores. When's the last time you heard us playing together? His guitar is covered in dust." Crane said clearly hurt that his little brother had not confided in him.

"Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry, Crane. I'm not angry with you. I just . . . you should have told me."

"I guess." Crane shrugged. "I don't know what's going on, honest, I don't."

***7***

He counted the money again. He had $215.00, which was pretty impressive for an eleven year old, but pretty sad when you consider it was nearly six weeks worth of wages. He'd saved every single penny. He counted it again, and then tucked it back into the bottom of his backpack.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Mr. Carter said. "I have a Christmas bonus for you! Here's a pie from the wife, and an extra $10. Mike's leg's better, so you know I won't be needing you any more, but anytime I need an extra hand. I'm calling you. You are a really steady worker. You clearly take after your old man, Danny. He'd be really proud of the work you did."

"Thanks." He said softly, surprised by the tears that sprang to his eyes. "Thanks a lot."

He made his way slowly home realizing he was late and there wasn't much he could do about it. It was also going to be impossible to explain the pie. It was a beautiful pecan pie, and hating to waste it, he sat on rock and ate about half. He really wished he had a gallon of milk to go along with it. He left the pie tin behind, and headed home, all the way working on an excuse for being late.

***7***

He knew he was in trouble when he saw both Adam and Brian waiting for him on the porch.

"Sorry, I'm late." He said as he climbed the porch stairs. "Practice was . . ."

"Cancelled." Adam said sharply cutting him off. "Cancelled for the third day in a row."

_Uh, oh._ Daniel thought.

"Adam, I . . ." He hung his head.

"Upstairs." His older brother said angrily. "I'm not near calm enough to talk to you Daniel Robert! Go!"

He sighed and slowly made his way past his brothers, and then sprinted up the steps, throwing himself on his bed. Still tired from his early morning and long day, he fell asleep without meaning too.

"Hey!" Adam nudged him. "Wake up, Danny. We need to talk."

He sat up surprised he'd fallen asleep and rubbing his face with his hand, sat up. Brian sat on Crane's bed, and Adam sat down in the desk chair.

"Where you been going after school Danny?" Brian asked.

"I can't tell you." He said softly.

"I'm sorry? What did you say?" Adam was furious.

"I can't tell you, well, I mean I don't want to. I haven't been doing anything bad. It's personal, and I don't want to talk about it. Today was the last day anyway."

"Daniel," Adam rose up out of the chair and loomed over him. "You better start talking."

"No." He said simply, and watched the vein on the side of Adam's neck bulge, his face red with anger.

"You talk to him!" He said turning to Brian throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

"Danny, you lied to us about basketball. That isn't right. That's not how you've been raised." Brian said calmly.

"You are right. I shouldn't have done that, but I needed to be able to . . . I didn't want any questions. Look, I don't want you to know about this, at least not now. It isn't anything bad. I wouldn't do something bad. I have responsibilities too and take them really seriously. In this whole time, have I missed my chores?" He looked up at his older brothers.

"That isn't the point, Danny. I need to know where you are all the time. It is my responsibility to make sure you are safe. _You_ are my responsibility." Adam said still furious.

"Yeah, but I'm not a baby like Guthrie. It ended today. You will know where I am all the time, but I'm not telling you about it. You can't make me talk." He crossed his arms and sat silently.

"He's right, Adam. If he doesn't want to talk we can't really make him." Brian said.

"Oh, we can make him talk." Adam said. "I can tan his backside until he . . ." He sat back down completely frustrated. "Why do you have to be so difficult? Why? Daniel, I swear!" He put his head in hand. "Damn, I miss Mom! She'd make you talk!" Adam choked on a sudden sob.

Danny rose and went to his brother. "I'm sorry, Adam. I am." He put his hand on Adam's shoulder and in spite of his anger, Adam, put his arm around his younger brother.

"It's over?" Adam asked.

"Yes, sir." Danny said looking into Adam's eyes.

"It wasn't anything bad? You weren't in trouble at school?" Adam asked.

"If I were in trouble at school, they would've called you." Danny pointed out.

"That's true. They just _love_ calling me!" Adam said. He put both his hands on his little brother's shoulders. "I'm still mad. You shouldn't lie to us, Danny. I need to know I can trust you."

"I know, but this . . . this thing I was doing is important. I had to decide if it was important enough to lie, and I think it is. But I could be wrong about that. I'm not sure. You are all I got, and I would hate to wreck things so that you don't . . . you don't . . ." He looked down at a loss for words.

"Hey partner," Brian said. "You can't wreck things so bad that you haven't got us anymore."

"Yeah, we aren't going anywhere." Adam said seriously.

"Unless some car crosses over that line." Danny said softly, and both his brother's faces grew white.

"That's not gonna happen." Adam said his voice very soft.

"You don't know that. No one knows that." Danny said studying them.

"Hey, Danny, I'm not leaving you. I'm not." Adam said all anger gone. "And neither is Brian, okay?"

"I know you'd never leave me on purpose." Danny conceded.

"Okay. I'm gonna leave this alone for now, but you are telling me what you did. I'll give you some time. And you got extra chores for lying about basketball. If you ever are off someplace without telling us again. It won't end in a hug like this, you understand me?"

"Yes, _Dad._" Danny said.

"Boy, you shouldn't press your luck." Brian said shaking a finger at him.

"Go on and eat some dinner, alright. Brian made something brown tonight." Adam said with a grin.

They watched their little brother head slowly downstairs. Adam looked over at Brian who stood looking at him.

"What do you think?" Adam asked.

"Hell, if I know. He seems okay. I guess, we could ask around. This town's got enough busybodies to tell us what the boys have been doing. Just yesterday Mrs. Adderton asked me if Ford's hand was okay because she was afraid he'd hurt it climbing up her apple trees."

"Nice!" Adam said. "Nothing like veiled complaints wrapped in "concern"." He shook his head. "I don't know. Seems like we should make 'em talk. But he's right. If he doesn't want to, I'll never be able to make him. That boy is stubborn as fifty mules." Adam rose sighing.

"You talking about yourself or him?" Brian asked as they stepped out of the room.

"I was talking about you." Adam said giving his younger brother a shove.

***7***

"Aw! Damnit all to hell!" Brian yelled frustrated.

"Seriously, Bri! You are gonna wake them up and then they are gonna learn that Santa is dead and their brothers curse over their presents." Adam said.

"Have you seen these directions? Have you? 'Insert clamp AA into slot BB, wrap C around CC hook to DD.' I swear to God I am not making this up! I hate these goddam toys!" Brian fell onto the couch exasperated, plastic parts falling around him.

"Wanna switch jobs?" Adam asked. He was trying to clear a space for everyone to sit around the Christmas tree. "Seriously, I just found a ham sandwich in Ford's backpack. At least I think it was ham."

"That's what that smell was! It's been driving me nuts for a week now."

Adam methodically worked his way through the pile of backpacks and nearly staggered backwards when he pulled Crane's gym socks and PE uniform from his backpack.

"I thought you bought him some deodorant?" Adam said tossing it into the ever huge laundry pile.

"Let's switch jobs. I cannot for the life of me figure this damn thing out." Brian said from behind him.

"Alright," Adam said studying the mound of laundry. He turned to tackle the toys that Brian was desperately trying to assemble. "Why couldn't God give us just one sister? I mean think about it. She could probably manage all of this. Or is that sexist? I think maybe it is. I just can't seem to figure out a way to keep this place clean. Mom always managed it. The house never smelled like dirty socks."

"Mom never slept." Brian said lifting another backpack. "I thought we told them to put these in their closets?"

"Oh, we did." Adam said. "Brian! You got parts from two different toys!" He shook his head at his brother.

"Hey, Adam," Brian said ignoring him.

"What?" Adam asked looking at the pieces in his hand. "Ta da!" He said fastening the two parts together. "Check it out! I am the king!" He crowed triumphantly and then looked over at Brian who was staring at a notebook in his hands.

"What is it?" Adam asked setting aside the toy parts, and coming to where Brian stood. "I can't manage any drama right now, I can't." It was their third Christmas without their parents and so far they had managed to keep everything together. Adam kept his own crying to himself, and had managed to guide most of his little brothers through their own spasms of grief. It looked like they might be able to have the boys wake up in the morning, see their presents and eat a feast without any running off, hiding, or sobbing. At least that was what he hoped.

"It's Danny's. It's a to-do list." Brian said softly, handing it to Adam.

"Oh, man!" Adam said looking at the list:

_Goal: Make sure Evan, Ford and Guthrie have a great Christmas and still believe in Santa_

_1. Find out what they want for Christmas._

_2. Figure out a way to make sure they get it._

_3. Make sure they know it is from Santa._

"Well, I feel like a jerk for chewing him out the other day." Adam said sitting back down on the couch.

"Yeah." Brian said. "Do you think he pulled it off?"

"What did their lists say? Do you remember?" Adam said.

"Evan asked for a new saddle." Brian said. "I remember that because there's no way in hell we can afford one."

"He would have had to find a way to get some money." He looked at Brian thoughtfully. "Jesus, Brian, do you think he managed to get a job?"

"He was gone every afternoon, and always came home worn out." Brian considered. "Who'd hire an eleven year old? Especially without talking to us first. I don't know. What should we do?"

"Well, if he did manage it, and he's hoping to make them think it's from Santa, he's got to put it under the tree."

"Yeah, so what are you thinking?" Brian asked his brother.

"I say you and I are gonna sit up tonight and see if we can't catch Santa Claus." Adam said with a grin.

"Just like old times, then." Brian said laughing.

"Let's hope we are more successful this time around." Adam said returning the notebook to Daniel's backpack. "Come on help me put this glorious plastic crap together."

"Sure honey." Brian said with a grin. "But you are buying me a beer first."


	4. Chapter 4

Daniel tiptoed downstairs in his bare feet. The floor was cold as ice, but knew he stood a better chance of managing it quietly if he were barefoot. You never knew what was lurking on the floor, and he was desperate to get the presents under the tree as quickly and quietly as possible. He'd hidden them in the hall closet, way in the back behind his father's cowboy boots. Finding his father's boots had just about done him in, but it also reassured him that no one ever went in the hall closet.

He opened the door slowly and pulled out the two boxes he had carefully wrapped. He felt a sense of pride and excitement as he set them under the tree. He couldn't wait for Guthrie and Ford to see their presents from Santa. He reached into the pocket of his robe and pulled out the envelope for Evan. He had so longed to have enough to buy Evan a saddle, but it was just too much money. Instead he wrote Evan a short note from Santa explaining that he just couldn't quite get a saddle for him, then he had asked May to copy the note in her handwriting so Evan wouldn't suspect it was him.

"This note is terrible." She said looking up at him.

"Well, thanks a lot." He said.

"No, I just mean you basically told him Santa's too broke to get him his Christmas present."

He thought about what he'd written. "Yeah, you are right. But what should I say?" She considered thoughtfully.

"How about this: Santa didn't want to get him the wrong saddle, so he's gonna let Evan pick one out for himself - and here's the money for that?"

"That's perfect!"

He hoped it would be enough so that Evan still believed. He set the envelope near the other presents and turned around to go back upstairs and wait until morning. As he turned he ran directly into Brian.

"Ah ha!" Adam said dramatically turning on a lamp.

"We caught Santa!" Brian said. "This has always been my childhood dream. Thank you, Danny. You've made my dreams come true." He grinned at his little brother.

"I just wanted to add some presents. That's all." Daniel said. "I'm awfully sleep though, so . . ."

"Oh, no! We've had enough of you not talking." Adam said. "Sit down mister."

His shoulders slumped and he sat down on the couch.

"Daniel Robert McFadden, did you get a job without my permission?" Adam said skipping right to the point.

"Mr. Carter talked! I knew he would!" Danny said frustrated.

"Oh my God! You got a job from old man Carter? You are scared to death of his dog! Really? You went over there all by yourself, walked past that dog, and got a job?" Adam looked at Brian.

"I think we should've got him a better Christmas gift." Brian said.

"Hell, yeah." Adam said chuckling. "Sorry buckaroo, when went shopping we didn't know you were working on sainthood."

"Adam." Danny said annoyed. "It isn't anything like that. I just . . .how old were you when you stopped believing in Santa?"

"Oh, I don't know maybe seven or eight. Probably about the same age as . . ." He stopped his sentence. "Whoa." He said suddenly. "I got to sit down."

"They lost so much already, you know. I thought they could have this for just a little bit longer." Danny said softly.

"So, you figured out what they wanted and got a job and bought it for them?" Brian asked finding his vision blurred by tears.

"Well, yeah." Danny said. His older brothers looked at each other and him in disbelief.

"How long?" Adam asked his voice thick. "How long did you work?"

"Six weeks." Danny said. "I got Ford a remote-controlled truck, and Guthrie those army men - the kind I used to love when I was little - a great big set. But Evan wanted a saddle and I didn't make near enough money, so I'm just giving him the money. I hope he still believes."

"How much money did you earn? Those remote controlled trucks are expensive." Brian said.

"Two hundred and twenty-five dollars." He said.

"Holy Crap!" Brian said. "Oh, we are keeping you for sure! Did you hear that?"

"I did! You spent it all on them?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, after Guthrie and Ford's presents, I had one hundred forty-eight dollars for his saddle."

Daniel waited wondering what his brothers would say to him, but both his older brothers were completely silent.

"Danny, c'mere." Adam said waving his arm to him. He moved to stand in front of his two brothers who were sitting at either end of the couch. Adam reached out and grabbed hold of his hand, and he thought he was just going to give his fingers a gentle squeeze, but instead he pulled Danny down to him. He landed on his brother's lap.

"Adam, I'm too old . . ." He protested, but Adam wrapped his strong arms around him.

"The hell you are!" Adam said kissing him. "I'm sorry I yelled at you Danny. I'm sorry I got so angry. You are a good, good, good brother."

"Well, I am still a liar." Danny said trying to let Adam off the hook.

"No, and Mom and Dad, would be so proud of you. You are so . . ." Adam stopped talking his eyes filled with tears. Danny drew in a deep breath.

"I just want to be like you, Adam." His brother looked up sharply. "You and Brian both. You are good brothers and you think about the boys first. I just, I know if I am like you, then I'm like him too."

_I want to be like you, Daddy._

_I aim to raise you to be a better man than me._

"You are like them both. You are gentle and thoughtful like Mama, and clever and hard-working like Daddy." Adam said gently. "And they are looking down on you this Christmas Eve and they are so proud."

"You think so?" Danny asked not even trying to hide his tears.

"Oh yeah." Brian said moving to sit beside them both so that he was now held in both his brother's arms.

The three of them sat together under the soft glow of the lamp and of the Christmas tree that was hung with ornaments that had once been held in their mother's soft fingers.

***7***

Danny leaned back on the sofa so exhausted. The little guys had decided that 5:00 a.m. was Christmas, and they came thundering down the stairs. It was good though. So far no one had cried. He glanced down at Guthrie who lay flat on his belly constructing an elaborate war between the two groups of soldiers he'd set up.

"Did ya see? Did ya see Danny?" Guthrie said looking up at him.

"Yeah, those are some great soldiers."

"Santa brought 'em. He brought 'em for me!" His baby brother grinned and he swelled with happiness.

He glanced over at Ford who was attempting to get his remote controlled truck drive up the stairs. He smiled and stretched. Crane flopped next to him on the couch.

"Nice Christmas, huh?" Crane asked.

"Yep. Not bad at all."

"Where did those presents from Santa come from, I wonder?" Crane said looking at him suspiciously.

"I wouldn't know."

"I'll bet you wouldn't." Crane shook his head at him. "Come on, the big brother's want you in the kitchen."

"What'd I do now?" Danny said rising and following Crane into the kitchen.

"There he is." Adam said smiling.

"What?" He asked looking from Adam to Brian and then to Crane. "Did I do something?"

"Yep, and we are gonna do something about it right now." Brian said.

_Oh, no! Merry Christmas to you!_ He racked his brain trying to think of anything he'd done recently.

"Relax, pal. This is a good thing." Adam said laughing. "Geez, you look like you are facing a firing squad!" He glanced at Brian. "You wanna do it?"

"No. You. I don't think I could manage it."

"Yeah, well I'm not saying I can." He cleared his throat. "We have a present for you, but we didn't want to give it to you in front of the little guys. We want Christmas to be happy and this might . . . well, here." He handed him a small box.

He looked up at them and Adam nodded. He opened it slowly, but nearly dropped it when he saw what was inside. He found he was crying and didn't remember starting to do it. He was just suddenly weeping.

"Dad's watch." He said holding it close to his chest.

"Yeah." Adam said. "Mom gave it to him for their first anniversary. She had it engraved on the back."

He flipped it over. It felt like a solemn moment; as if they were in church. He read it aloud.

_To the best man, I know - Love KM_

"We wanted you to have it, so that whenever you see it, you remember what kind of man you are becoming." Adam said lifting his chin so that he could look into his eyes.

"We are proud of you Danny." Brian said pulling him into his arms. "You are a good brother, and a good little man."

He felt his brothers' arms around him as they all embraced him, and he let himself relax against them. He rested his head against Adam's chest which felt safe and oh so, familiar, and even as he cried he understood why it felt familiar; his brothers' loving embrace felt as secure as his father's strong arms, which had held him not so very long ago.


End file.
